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I've collected a list of my writings, some of them when I was angry. Many I believe to be wisdom, the rest are just things muddling my mind. Either way it should be interesting enough to cure your boredom for a while.
Heres a breakthrough.. No one loves YOU.
It's true. and NO.. Just because I just dyed my hair black doesn't mean I'm turning into a poser punk goth person dreading walking the light of day, getting my nose pierced, shaving my head, slipping on vampire dooky, and writing bad poetry. I'm serious. No one loves you.. they never have. You dont love anyone either... Let me explain here..
Okay.. Ever hear that shit, "You can't love anyone unless you love yourself?" Its 100% true. Ever wonder why depressed and negative people can never find that happiness they are looking for? Because they are looking for it in other people, rather than trying to be genuineley healthy by themselves first. I'm not talking giddy, cuz like I can't do that. I live for making other happy, and I can't be happy unless I'm doing that.. plus lonliness sucks.
Anyhow... This is my theory. No one loves you, you dont love anyone. You love yourself. You love yourself THROUGH other people. Your parents don't love you cuz yer a neat person, they love you because they see themselves in you. Their flesh and blood wrapped together in a neat little person they get ot mold from birth. Works the same with adopted kids. They love you the same, whether or not their flesh is there.. They try to mold you to be a good person, and they love you through themselves. Even though its mostly you making decisions in your life, they pat themselves on the back for it, subconsciously by loving you. They are genuinley proud of you..
When you get a girlfriend/boyfriend, you love yourself through them because you love how you feel when they are around. I love Tyler because he treats me good, me makes me laugh, makes me smile, makes me feel good. I love my ferrets and my kitty becase they are cute and make me laugh.. give me a generally good feeling..
If you start with this feeling, and start to realize this, only then will you start to enjoy the company of others. If someone thinks about you at all, thats a good thing. (as in like, thinks to get you a red bow lolipop at the store because they know you like red bows or something... like when you're not there to remind you of them) If someone asks you to go somewhere with them, no matter what the situation, they are only going to ask you if they enjoy your company.
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