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I've collected a list of my writings, some of them when I was angry. Many I believe to be wisdom, the rest are just things muddling my mind. Either way it should be interesting enough to cure your boredom for a while.
I'm not psychic. I'm just not fucking blind...
I will never get married again.
I've eaten from the proverbial apple.
I have many friends come to me for relationship advice.. Why I don't know. I've had more failed relationships than a lot of people I know... most of them doit just to talk to anyone.. a select few do it I think just because they want to hear whats right so they can do the exact opposite.. then there are I think at MOST two that take my advice. Sometimes...
My biggest thing that I talk about is that traditional relationships do not work. When you make someone obligated to be with you and only you, you create an opening for resentment... thats mainly the reason why love turns to hate so quickly. What is the number one reason for wonderful relationships with a lot of potential getting fucked up and broken?
Marriage.
Marriage is what we have grown up to believe is what we will inevitably be sucked into. We dream about it. We write our names and the names of our loves with different last names on our notebooks in high school. We picture our wedding dresses and our perfect vacation spots. We lust after diamonds in the jewelry stores. We think of where we'll live, what cars we'll drive, what our christmas trees will look like and what color our his and her's bath towels will be.
And it's all just a dream that we hype up and get dissapointed over.
Spoilers.. Spoilers.. Let me give you a little spoiler about marriage. There is a formula with marriage. Its been said that obligation creates resentment. You're obligated to be this proverbial 1 person with your mate when you're married.. thats a big fucking job. And all it does is make you hate the person for locking you into it, even though you agreed to it.
A friend of mine brought up a very good point that people like to justify their decision for marriage with... why are there more divorces now than there were 50 years ago? Because people rush into things, make the wrong decisions, aren't mature enough, didn't wait for the right person... Yeah fucking right. Divorce is only more prevailant in our society in the year 2003 because it's more socially accepted. It's cheaper, its easier and they don't have to worry about being lynched or being the town embarrassment. What DID they have 50 years ago? More unhappy marriages. More abusive marriages. More people like some old couples you might see that fucking hate eachother. Look at the cliche' of the old man who hates his wife but lives with her as a live in housekeeper.. his old "battle axe" - in the 1980's women were more prevailant in the career market. They weren't staying at home doing the housework watching the kids anymore. They had their own careers.. and this is when Divorce started becoming more popular. The men not only hated their wives, but they were no longer live in maids.. so they had no use for them anymore. Well fuck that.
I am not fucking living til I'm 85 with a man who hates me and I hate him, the only sex I have is hallway sex (fuck you NO FUCK YOU) the only companionship I have is cribbage nights on tuesdays, and the only reason I still live with the old bastard is because his half of the social security check pays the fucking bills because I'm too old to get a job.
No one wants to believe that everything they've been taught is wrong or every value they've been given is obsolete. No one. This is very true.. But what people need to do is unplug. They need to learn the truth. They need to see the world that has been wrapped around their eyes that blind them from it. They need to read what people say with their bodies instead of their minds. They need to say FUCK YOU to all these petty "virtues" they've been taught since birth by our parents and elders with broken marriages and unfit examples of relationships. They need to understand that all those stupid relationships they see on love movies and shows are just that.. fiction. They need to drop the ideas that are placed into our minds from songs about love because a good chunk of them are based on need written by people who have no idea what to do with love when they are wading through it.
Its easier to do something wrong over and over and over and over again and lose so many valuble people in your life just so you can live with these "virtues"that youve been taught all your life.
I think that most people know what love is. People try to make this huge deal over "well their marriage didn't work out because they weren't really in love" or "shes too young to know what love is..." This isn't the case..
I believe everyone knows what love is, they are just too naive, stupid, ignorant, blind to know what to do with it. So they end up fucking it up. They end up smothering them making them oblige to being with them and only them (like they are going to lose them if they so much as SEE another person) - or they give them too much freedom to the point that they don't nurture and tend to the other and they grow apart. I can't tell you how to make love stay and grow. But I certainly am the expert on how to lose it.
I make this entry because of many things.. I see someone that I care about very much happy in love. I see him potentially throwing away something that could be the end of what he's looking for. (Remember that thing I said about losing valuble people to conform to the virtues you've lived with all your life?) I also talked with a friend who is dead set in his ways.. dead set to look for the same relationship that has not worked 100% of the time. Dead set on reliving his live with the same virtues that he knows push relationships to an end. All because it's not that easy to unplug.
I also want to write down my thoughts... I want to remind myselfnot to blind myself with love... why? Because I am in love. I'm in love with a very special person that I can't imagine living life without him in my life. I don't want to lose that because of my stupidity. I don't want to lose that because I was taught to treat my other a particular way. I don't want to lose that in the same way that I've lost everything else in my life that I've ever loved.. I like to think that everyone feels that way when they are in love..
Do you?
Maybe you should proactively do something about it.
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